Mental Health

How to Gain More Confidence and Start Loving You

January 12, 2020
Black woman with natural hair showing confidence

Confidence is something we’ve all struggled with at some point. The ones who seem like they don’t have an issue with their confidence are usually the main ones that do. Since this quality is something we aren’t born with, we have to consistently work on improving it throughout our life. But, how do you gain more confidence?

What you go through in life can affect your confidence whether it’s being bullied, dealing with a toxic relationship, or having negative people around you. However, there are steps we can take to put those things on the back burner and focus on the most important thing… ourselves.

In this post, I want to share how I’ve been able to gain more confidence and remain positive despite the obstacles that happen in my life. If you start doing these, you’ll see a positive change!

How to Gain More Confidence

Leave Your Comfort Zone

Over the years, I’ve ended up creating a bubble for myself that I felt trapped in. Whenever I thought about trying something new, I’d slowly back up in the corner and act like it didn’t exist.

My negative thinking would cause me to remain stagnant out of fear. However, if you want to gain more confidence, it’s important to start stepping outside of your comfort zone.

As you continue to realize how capable you are of doing anything you put your mind to, you’ll start to become more confident.

I encourage you to try things you’ve always been afraid to do, it doesn’t have to be anything crazy!

Starting my blog and an Instagram page was outside of my comfort zone. I thought I wouldn’t be a good Blogger since I was an introvert and didn’t know how to take pictures or network. Fast forward to now, I ended up proving myself wrong and I’m glad I decided to go for it.

Don’t give yourself time to think about why you shouldn’t do something, just get up and work on it! You’ll be proud of yourself once it’s accomplished.

Stop Comparing Yourself

I know this is easier said than done because I still have moments when I question myself, especially while scrolling through social media. Comparing yourself to others won’t help you gain more confidence. If anything, trying to keep up with everyone else will hurt you more in the end.

Social media is full of filtered pictures that only show the happy moments in someone’s life. You have to remember that people post what they want you to see. Just because it looks like they’re living their best life doesn’t mean that’s how it is behind the scenes.

You never know what someone is going through outside of social media.

One thing I’ve done is put a limit on how long I scroll carelessly through Instagram. Whenever I open the app, I’m intentional about what I do on there and make sure it’s bringing value to my life.

Another thing you can do is only follow positive people. Don’t be afraid to unfollow, or my favorite, block anyone who is negative or makes you feel bad about yourself. We have those buttons for a reason. If someone no longer serves you, then click one of those and move forward with your life!

Compliment Yourself

Do you ever have days when you look in the mirror and aren’t feeling what you see? You may think you’re not beautiful enough. Negative self-talk won’t help you gain more confidence. Instead of downplaying yourself, start changing your thoughts to more positive, uplifting statements.

I love having positive affirmations to read because they’re encouraging. You can look in the mirror every day and tell yourself: “I’m beautiful.” You can even go beyond that and start complimenting other parts about yourself that you love such as your body, smile, intelligence, and so on. Repeat these statements until you start believing them!

People will always have something to say about you, and if you allow it, those negative things can replay in your mind. However, it’s time to let those irrelevant opinions go and focus on what you think about yourself.

Remember this, when someone is nasty or rude to you, it’s only a reflection of their imperfections and issues. It has nothing to do with you.

Hype yourself up, sis! This is the only way you can start valuing who you are as a person.

Practice Self-Care

The last thing you can do to gain more confidence is to make self-care a priority and practice it regularly. Self-care is normally overlooked because we feel that we’re too busy and don’t have time for it. However, practicing self-care can help you feel more confident about yourself.

When you take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, you’ll start feeling good. You’ll figure out what makes you happy and understand what you need to keep a positive mindset.

Self-care looks different for everyone, however, if doing a certain activity makes you happy, then make more time for it. For example, I love writing, reading, and doing my skincare routine. Those are a form of self-care for me since they help me relax, especially if I’ve had a long, stressful day.

Self-care can also include finding a therapist and scheduling weekly sessions. It can be making sure you get a full 8 hours of sleep each night. Find what works and pay attention to what makes you feel the best!

Finding your confidence will take patience and commitment.

Wouldn’t it be amazing if we were born with this quality and didn’t have an issue? It’s up to you to change how you view and feel about yourself. No one else’s opinion matters. You have to be intentional about improving your confidence and know this process will be worth it in the end.

Even when you find your confidence, you’ll still have to practice these tips. We face many challenges in life that can hurt our confidence, therefore, we have to continue to build ourselves up. You got this, sis!

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  • Reply Amanda January 13, 2020 at 12:28 pm

    This post is amazing!!! Something I’ve been trying to work on. It can be so hard, but I know it’s possible to overcome. Thank you for writing this, it came right now time ❤️

    • Reply Madisen January 13, 2020 at 3:53 pm

      Thank you for reading sis! Yes, it is possible to overcome and I know you’ll be able to improve your confidence overtime!

  • Reply Esther January 13, 2020 at 3:05 pm

    You really nailed it! Building confidence is a slow process and it’s something I work on everyday!! Thank you so much for sharing this!!!

    • Reply Madisen January 13, 2020 at 3:52 pm

      Thank you so much for reading! Yes it’s a slow process but it’s worth it.

  • Reply Shannen January 13, 2020 at 5:12 pm

    I love this post.. It is definitely a journey gaining confidence but we’re on the right track. 🙂

    • Reply Madisen January 13, 2020 at 5:31 pm

      Thank you so much for reading! Yes, and the journey will always be worth it! 🙂

  • Reply Sonya January 13, 2020 at 5:24 pm

    Great post Madisen. Yes, I can definitely see your growth and confidence in many areas. I thank God and it makes me happy and proud.

    • Reply Madisen January 13, 2020 at 5:32 pm

      Thank you so much! I’m glad you see a change because I was really struggling at one point. Thank you.

  • Reply Bri January 13, 2020 at 10:27 pm

    Love Love Love the tips to help someone gain more confidence! Great post!

    • Reply Madisen January 14, 2020 at 5:25 am

      Thank you so much sis! I appreciate you for reading.

  • Reply Drea January 14, 2020 at 1:14 pm

    Really great post Maddy! I’ve struggled with confidence and still do at times. It is all abour patience and seeing the positive things in yourself

    • Reply Madisen January 14, 2020 at 7:13 pm

      Thank you for reading sis! Yes, you’re right about all of that. We have to change our mindset!

  • Reply Dawn K. Boddie January 14, 2020 at 9:26 pm

    I loved this post Maddy! Thank you for these amazing tips! I definitely will be incorporating the “compliment yourself” tip this year. Sometimes we’re just to hard on ourselves.

    • Reply Madisen January 14, 2020 at 9:52 pm

      Thank you sis! Yes, we can be hard on ourselves. We have to start showing compassion to ourselves and be mindful about what we say or think.

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