The Guide to Finding Peace After a Toxic Relationship

November 15, 2021
A black woman holding a pillow while upset | Finding peace after a toxic relationship

Dealing with toxic relationships can destroy a lot of things: Confidence, anxiety levels, and peace of mind are some that I’ve personally dealt with.

When you finally gather the courage to walk away, you may feel empty inside. You dedicated a lot of time and effort to this person, and now you’re left with nothing but memories and replaying in your mind what could’ve been.

You may feel like you could’ve done something differently to prevent the outcome. It’s easy to start blaming yourself, however, one lesson that I learned from past toxic relationships is it’s not your fault.

The way someone treats you isn’t a reflection of who you are as a person. Don’t let someone else’s actions make you feel worthless.

Although the healing journey is challenging, finding peace after a toxic relationship is possible. In this post, I want to share tips on how I’ve been able to forgive, move forward, and find my confidence despite dealing with these traumas.

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How to Find Your Peace:

Learn to Forgive Yourself

Although forgiving toxic people will help, what’s even more important is finding the strength to forgive yourself.

Forgive yourself for thinking that the bare minimum is okay, tolerating treatment that you didn’t deserve, and staying in the relationship longer than you should’ve.

Learning how to forgive has been difficult, however, I always remember that I can take the lessons I’ve learned and use them moving forward.

Now I know what red flags to look out for, to listen to my intuition, and that the world won’t end when I decide to walk away for good.

Think about what you know now and how it’ll impact your relationships in the future. You’ll know exactly what you’re looking for and what you’re not interested in. You won’t waste any more time entertaining people who don’t serve you any good.

Let go of the resentment and be proud of yourself for standing your ground and knowing your worth.

Related Post: Lessons Learned from Being in a Toxic Relationship

Write Them a Letter

This is a tip I took from therapy that has been helpful. Write a letter to the person you were in a toxic relationship with. Be very open with your emotions and let everything out that you want to say to them.

Carrying around the weight of your emotions can become exhausting. Writing down how you feel can help you release those burdens.

After you finish the letter, burn it. As you’re watching it burn, imagine all of the pain fading away. You’re no longer clinging on to the version you had of the relationship in your head. Everything that you feel is being released and it’s opening up new opportunities.

This can be emotional, so don’t think that you have to finish the letter in one day. It may take days, weeks, or months to finish it. There’s no timeline or page limit — write until you’re satisfied and have released everything you wish you could say to them face to face.

You don’t have to worry about being judged or not heard. This is your opportunity to release all that’s weighing on you and work toward a happier future.

Acknowledge Your Emotions

I used to be the type to push all feelings of anger or sadness to the side. If I felt myself getting upset, I would try to pretend those emotions didn’t exist. Eventually, you’ll reach a breaking point and end up worse off if you don’t acknowledge your feelings.

I had to learn that it’s okay to be sad and cry. It’s okay to be angry and disappointed in what happened. It’s also okay to miss them. These are all normal during the healing process.

When you feel yourself getting upset, give yourself the space to process the emotions.

One thing that has helped me is journaling when those painful emotions come up. Writing has always been therapeutic for me, therefore, journaling helps me process my emotions and find ways to cope with them in a healthier way.

Although you will feel down, you don’t have to stay stuck in that negative space for long. Acknowledge it, and then continue on with your day.

Related Post: 5 Powerful Benefits of Writing in a Journal

Practice More Self-Love

When we’re dealing with toxic people, we tend to put their needs ahead of our own and neglect our emotional well-being. Once you decide to end it, you’ll most likely still feel drained.

Start finding things to do that make you feel good. Prioritize your needs and listen to your body.

Some things that have helped me are:

  • Reading self-help books for encouragement
  • Upgrading my personal hygiene routine
  • Treating myself to things I love

One book that I highly recommend is Attached. Reading this was an eye-opener for me and helped me realize what I need to work on when it comes to relationships.

You’ll learn about different attachment styles and how they can have an impact on your love life. And you’ll find ways to become more secure in yourself and attract healthy partners.

Have a Strong Community

During your healing journey, it’s important to surround yourself with people who genuinely love and support you.

Whether it’s close family members, friends, or even your therapist, having people to talk to and lean on during difficult moments will help you find peace after a toxic relationship.

Spending time with people who make you feel good can boost your happiness and help you realize that you aren’t alone. When you’re having those low moments, you can reach out or spend time outside of the house with them.

My support system has helped me a lot on my healing journey. They uplift me, pour into me when I need encouragement, and remind me that I deserve nothing but the best. 

Continue to focus on positive relationships and people who help you evolve into a better version of yourself.

Following these tips will help you on your journey to finding peace after a toxic relationship.

You don’t need a relationship to make you happy or look anywhere else for validation. You’re in control and have all of the power to find peace and true happiness.

Don’t allow people who don’t contribute positivity to your life to cause you to beat yourself down or feel worthless. You’re more than enough and will eventually meet someone who shows you that.

Keep pushing forward!

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  • Reply Aisha Harris November 15, 2021 at 9:25 pm

    It’s never really easy leaving a toxic relationship but once you start channeling your energy, you’ll begin to heal. Great Tips!

    • Reply Madisen November 15, 2021 at 11:04 pm

      Thank you for reading sis! And you’re right about that 🙌🏽

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