We have all experienced some form of hurt and betrayal from someone we loved — a person we thought would never leave us broken. Being in a toxic relationship can tear you down and make you feel like you aren’t good enough. You may constantly blame yourself for everything and believe it’s your fault.
Eventually, there comes a time when you reach your breaking point and gather the courage to walk away which is one of the best decisions you’ll ever make. I’m not an expert and can’t give professional relationship advice, however, I can speak from personal experience and encourage you if you’re currently going through this challenge.
I want to talk about lessons I’ve learned from being in a toxic relationship that went on for YEARS. Thinking back on everything I went through makes me happy that I decided to do what was best for me and walk away for good. It’s not easy and people on the outside looking in can always tell you that you deserve better and you should leave. However, none of that matters if you don’t believe that yourself!
After countless therapy sessions, time, journaling, and tears, I was able to pull myself out of the dark place I was in and realize key lessons I’ve learned and how I can use those in my life moving forward. The lessons you take from toxic situations will be a tool for your growth.
Disclaimer: This post shouldn’t be looked at as professional advice. These are from m experiences and I’m providing what I’ve learned and applied in my life. If you need professional help, seek an expert, or contact your doctor.
Being in a Toxic Relationship
Forgiving Yourself is Important
You would think the first thing I’d say is forgiving the other person is important (which it is), however, we need to learn how to forgive ourselves too.
I know you wish you could go back and react in a different way toward each situation. My therapist helped me realize that I need to acknowledge everything that happened and my decision to stay in the relationship. I can’t continue to hold onto resentment over things I no longer have control over.
Although you can’t undo everything and fix your mistakes, you have control over what you allow in the future. Letting go and forgiving myself took a weight off my shoulders I didn’t know existed. Forgive yourself and know that you won’t tolerate any type of negative behavior again.
You Can’t Change Them
One thing my mom has always told me is: “What you see is what you get,” and she was right. No matter how much love you show someone, you can’t expect that to influence them to change their toxic ways. We may feel the longer we hold on the more they’ll realize how much they need to make things right. However, you’ll only continue to disappoint yourself with this mindset.
When someone shows you who they truly are, believe them. The way you get treated during the relationship is how you can expect your marriage to be. Putting a ring on your finger and saying “I do” won’t change anyone.
People will make their own decision to change once they’re ready. It won’t be on your terms.
It’s Not Your Fault!
I blamed myself for the bad things in my relationship. For years I felt like if I had done something differently or changed the way I acted, maybe half of those situations wouldn’t have happened. Imagine how much we tear our confidence down because of the way someone else treats us.
I’m here to tell you that nothing they did was your fault. Everything you went through isn’t a reflection of who you are as a person. I know my confidence had hit an all-time low and I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t good enough. I’m glad I came to my senses and realized their toxic actions had nothing to do with me.
People choose what they want to do and we shouldn’t let someone’s hurtful decisions make us feel worthless. As you continue to heal from being in a toxic relationship, you’ll quickly realize you’re worth it. You deserve to be loved, respected, and cared for!
Staying Single is Okay
The last lesson I learned from being in a toxic relationship is there’s nothing wrong with staying single. I don’t know why, but I felt like it was the end of the world once I decided to end the relationship. I felt out of place and I didn’t think I could be alone — I thought I needed someone by my side to be happy. But, I’m glad I decided to remain single and take time for myself.
If I would’ve rushed into another relationship it wouldn’t have turned out good. I would’ve carried all of that baggage to the next person who wouldn’t have deserved it. I don’t care what society says or thinks, being single isn’t a curse and it’s not the worst thing that can happen. If anything, being single is a time for you to heal and learn how to love yourself.
During my singleness, I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’ve been able to find my confidence, love myself, and improve mentally, physically, and emotionally. There was a weight lifted and I found out how to be happy without having someone by my side. Being in a relationship shouldn’t define your happiness — make sure you fall in love with yourself first.
It hurts like hell when you’ve been by someone’s side holding them down but then everything hits rock bottom. At times, you may reflect and try to piece together everything and figure out where things went wrong, however, it’s not worth your time or energy.
Focus on becoming a better you so you can be prepared once the right person shows up in your life. When you do that, you’ll be able to open your heart and fall in love again!